What happened to ESPN?

The other day I was watching SportsCenter when I had what recovered alcoholics refer to as a moment of clarity. It's when several occurrences happen spontaneously that help you realize a fact that you previously were unaware of. I was sitting on the couch, waiting for baseball highlights while Stuart Scott hosted a panel of celebrities as they discussed who was more Now, LeBron James or Shaquille O'Neal. The members of the panel were Jessica Biel, the guy from The King of Queens, and Mike from the Mike and Mike show on ESPN Radio. It was right about then when I asked myself, "wait a minute, when did Sportscenter turn into Entertainment Tonight?" Who's more Now? What does that even mean??? And what does that have to do with any of the games that happened that day (by the way, I'm still waiting for the baseball highlights). More important things are going on, like the Michael Vick endictment, and the wrestler who drugged his wife and kid before killing them, and them himself. And then there is the NBA ref who was fixing games for the mob... Scores? Who's got time for scores??? Alex Rodriguez's wife wore a shirt that said "fuck you" on it. We'll show you some highlights, just as soon as we show you the latest interview from Screamin A. Smith with Pac Man Jones' lawyer.... Then the College Football report with Mark May which means we will learn absolutely nothing because he hasn't contributed to the show in 5 years. Oh, and by the way, Derek Jeter was seen leaving a nightclub with Jessica Beil, I guess that makes him more Now that Shaq. I'll sleep better tonight knowing that, but I guess I'll have to log onto ESPN.com to see who won the ballgames.

Remember when MTV used to play videos, and it was like a radio station on your TV? Remember when Sportscenter was a half hour of highlights and real sports news? Remember when the Democratic party was about new ideas and the Republican party was about fiscal responsibility and not going to war unless it was absolutely necessary? What in the hell happened? My moment of clarity only seems to raise more questions. I'm going to bed.

Goodnight.