14

Today is the 14th anniversary of the day I decided to quit drinking, but I don't count it as the actual Anniversary, that's tomorrow when it will have been 14 years since I spent my first sober day. Even though I don't normally celebrate it like a birthday I do feel pretty good about making it this far. Some people don't like to hear me speak on this in terms as if it's a potentially temporary situation, but to feel as if I am cured is the first step towards falling so it's really a much better way of thinking of it.

With each passing year you would think it would be harder to remember what life was like back then but it really isn't. I can still remember that apartment in Campbell with the La-z-boy chair and that horrible carpet. The place always smelled like stale beer and cigarettes. That must have been a tough place to be if you didn't drink or smoke, which really wasn't a problem given the company I kept back then. A steady diet of day old pizza that my roommate would bring home (he delivered for Domino's) and canned food is probably as much to blame for my drinking's demise as the alcohol itself. Top it off with a pack of cigarettes and a can of Copenhagen a day and it's absolutely mind blowing that I actually lasted like that till I was 26. I lived on the second floor and some days my legs would burn walking up those 16 steps. I was in such horrible shape physically that my skin was yellow, my eyes were pink, and I weighed about 150lbs. That was my life 14 years ago. Not many friends, suspended drivers license from my second DUI, I spent most of my time inside that apartment in and out of consciousness. Looking back on it now, I guess it shouldn't have come as a surprise when the Dr. at the emergency room at Valley Med (no insurance back then) told me that if I didn't stop I would be back within a month... In a bag.

The first couple years living sober were tough but at the same time so much easier than the previous 10. I still find I have good and bad days, it's part of the deal and I learned how to handle it a long time ago. There are subtle differences that I must be aware of at all times. If I feel myself getting depressed or saddened I have to deal with it and not dwell in it. That's were exercize comes in. It really is the cheapest shrink in the world. Whenever I get frustrated or depressed, I know I can go for a run or lift weights and things are just easier to deal with when I am done. The temptation to drink never comes from being in a bar or at a ballgame. For me it always was about masking pain and worry, and it still does to this day. Funerals, uncertainty with job security, getting my heart broken, letting my temper take over... These normal life events and things like them are my triggers. But I can see them coming a mile away, I am never surprised by them which is key to dealing with them. But the one aspect of my life that I will always credit to my lasting sobriety are my friends. I cannot adequately express the importance of surrounding myself with great people, I simply cannot afford not to. If I were to hit a rough patch and become vulnerable while being with the wrong person, that could be the day I fall. And the search for friends never ends. As I get older, I find friends come in and out of my life like bus boys in a restaurant. However I also find as I experience new things and step outside my comfort zone, new people come into my life and become unwitting saviors.

So if you are reading this right now, chances are you are one of the many reasons why I have stayed sober and alive for the last 14 years. Most people want to give me all the credit, but this thing is way bigger than I am. There is no way I could have done this alone. You all have allowed me to live my life and achieve great things, experience so many beautiful happenings in life, and without you I would have missed so much. For that I am forever grateful.

Thank you all very, very much.